Too $hort, Merle, Saturn’s F ring, & my blue sweater.

When I’m mad at the Internet for being a shill for Rick Ross, Inc., I turn to my greatest muse—the records of apt. 15.

Name: Skyy, Skyway. (Salsoul, 1980)

Is this OK? Yes. Skyy vodka is bad (Belve, strictly Belve for this lady when Lloyd Banks and I get bottle service), but Skyy is a pretty fresh name for a band and I’m surprised it wasn’t already taken. Still, I’m a little mad they didn’t name the album Skyyway. How bout some consistency, please.

Entered my life: In August ’07, at Amoeba for $5.99.

Produced by: Randy Muller, keyboardist, disco architect, member of Brass Construction (!).

Life lessons, important messages contained:

– Handclaps. Just handclaps. They are, in fact, somehow a lesson. I learned at age 3; I think it hit me when my dad played Look-Ka PyPy in the living room.

– If you’re going to copy someone, really put some thought into it and copy the best (Chic).

– Oh and perhaps I forgot to mention that Apt. 15 favorite Skyzoo was named for the song “Skyy Zoo” on this very album! CIRCLE OF LIFE.

Suitable activities while listening: Uh, clapping your hands. But also: Getting down on it. Getting out of speeding tickets, maybe, if it’s really your day. And y’know, just doin your thing and hoping nobody tries to stifle it.

Breaks contained? YES. Yesyes, God yes. Too $hort, “Short But Funky.” Master Ace, “Postin’ High.”

Best YouTube comment: “Turn ’em ’round an’ kick ’em in the ass…..youngsters just don’t know!!” (re: old music being better than new music. And NO, I didn’t write it but it really sounds like something I would).

Sartorial accompaniment: Skyy blue cardigan, black skirt that I MADE because I happen to be learning HOW TO SEW, NO BIG DEAL, kneesocks & heelz. The look I was going for was “librarian crossed with a hooker going to church who is pleased and amazed by B.o.B.’s enjoyable and bouncy flow on the ‘Teach Me How to Dougie’ remix,” but really it is my lunch outfit for playing hooky from work, feeling relieved that it’s finally not 95 degrees out, and going to that hideous expensive place with the delicious caffeine IV drip.

What pictures of myself posing in this outfit has to do with the record is, really, nothing and that’s that. But darling, life is performance. You are straight bugging if you pretend otherwise.

Other notable things about today:

– That Merle Haggard special was on PBS. What’s this about Merle being in the audience during Johnny Cash’s San Quentin shows (not the celebrated ones of ’69 – Merle was there for the 1958 shows) and why was I not alerted to this fact earlier. This is not as much a question as it is a statement–an indignant and annoyed statement. The LA Times writeup mentions that the special leaves out a lot about the “Bakersfield sound,” which my noble and goodhearted father tried to teach me about when I was a surly teenager and that I only appreciated years later. I could be kind of a jerk when I was 14. I returned to him solemn and humbled as a grown-up, my head hanging low. Anyway, electric guitar innovations were happening at the same time that the sound was emerging, thanks to Leo (Clarence Leonidas) Fender. Of course, this leads a girl to wonder who designed that curvy Fender logo that all the post-1966 models have. Have the report on my desk Monday morning. No excuses.

– Back in Black turned 30! I’ll give you black sensations up and down your spine. If you’re into evil you’re a friend of mine. (Also, if you enjoy going to get overpriced coffee and talking about Merle Haggard! Let’s hang out.)

– “Cassini Sees Moon Building Giant Snowballs in Saturn Ring.” – Science Daily. Mind blown in front of laptop today. Oh how I do love science. There’s no way I can try to rework this report into humanspeak, so a direct quote is in order:

New images from Cassini show icy particles in Saturn’s F ring clumping into giant snowballs as the moon Prometheus makes multiple swings by the ring.

This concept mixtape is coming. It’s coming, people. It’s called F Ring Clumping, but when it leaks a month early the kids commenting at NahRight get it wrong and think its name is Multiple Swings By the Ring. No matter. It’s hosted by Sun Ra and Captain Beefheart. Liner notes by Kool Keith (they have those for mixtapes now).

Fantasy thing(s) that happened today: Kells was glad he had an attorney on retainer ever since the jailbait unpleasantness because that made it super easy to sue Trey Songz for voice infringement, song structure infringement, and overall swagger-jack.


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