Confusion in rap land*.

* (my apartment)

Feels like I’m dreaming but I’m not. sleep-ing. The Game has somehow convinced everybody that he is a capable rapper, as evidenced by the massive amounts of blog approval I see due to that Red Room mixtape and now this new(?) unreleased number, below. I downloaded the Red Room because I have to keep up with the crowd and I’m scared of falling behind, because of my blind and unwavering LA pride, and because of Scoop Deville’s presence on it. The official stance of Rap Nation, however, should be that the mixtape is great but it’s not because of any compelling or creative yarns spun by our face-tatted storyteller, and that The Game is merely oh-kay at rhyming (please press play, below). He’s got a raspy voice, solid LA gang cachet, the ladies want to sleep with him and coo Jayceon in his ear, and he’s like 7 feet tall; we can’t pretend that these aren’t all factors that have to do with the Internet’s fondness for him.

You can swindle ’em easy if you just pick friends who’ll benefit you by association. For The Game, it’s DJ Skee, and Scoop Deville, and Cool & Dre, and Just, below, who’ve made it so. [Skee, by the way, stole my title of Cali’s Hip-Hop Ambassador, but he got it from a Republican so he can have the damn thing. And Skee, by the way, is wearing me out with those annoying drops. DEE JAYYY SKEEEEE, exclamation point exclamation point!! DJ Skee!, knock it off. The increased frequency of the drops seem directly related to a DJ’s increased popularity; that Mississippi mixtape had hardly any, but then that Evidence one had ’em all over the place. Drama and Whoo Kid show more restraint and that’s how you know you’re doing it wrong. You are alienating your core demographic, Skee! (hip-blessed girls in trench coats who toggle their browsers between Deadspin and RapRadar and Forever 21 all day). I’d like to see some subtlety, please!, Skee!. Those perfectly-used “Dilla Dog” shouts, you know? Like that.]

I wear the 4-5 in LA like I’m AC Green slightly makes up for the numerous examples of awful and lazy in the narrative, including but not limited to I graduated from the school of hard knocks like yeah. That said, I NEED THE INSTRUMENTALLLL, and I need it played whenever I enter a room and then I walk across that room in something that clings to my hips.

Courtesy of Eskay, naturally.


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