“Everything you did has already been done” – Lauryn, ’98.

This fucking song. This fucking guy.

Everyone knows I like to dance to the pop jams (“Gangsta Luv,” hello!; “My Chick Bad”–especially that part about milk–HELLOOOO). And everyone knows I miss OutKast. We all do. I know it hurts, I know. (Ssshhh. There, there.) But the widespread blog fellatio for this B.o.B.! All I see is a cute 3 Stacks cadence impression, a Chappelle face impression*, and a mean ability to pick a good chorus that distracts us from paying attention to the words coming out of the mouth during verses. He was great in ’08 so I’m not sure what happened, but if you’re not outraged you’re not paying attention.

*

1. “It’s hard being a professional rapper.” (That’s what he says between choruses, above). “My days are pressure-filled.” I know dude, and that’s why I didn’t become a rapper.

2. The only MC who can pull off complaining about money, industry pressure, sex with models, and identity crises is the fantastic Christopher Wallace.

3. That chorus is fun, obviously. I sing along with it in the car. There’s no fun anywhere else in the song, however, even though fun is supposed to be a key element in pop music. Ergo, my vitriol toward this slice of pop music.

4. OH SHIT, Devin & Andre already did this song and it’s called “What a Job.” How soon we forget.

“It’s hard being a professional rapper,” the skillful and engaging version:

PS, I still need an apology for that “Baby you the whole package/plus you pay your taxes” line. As a lady, I find dumb rhymes insulting. A handwritten note would be nice, and maybe some flowers.

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3 thoughts on ““Everything you did has already been done” – Lauryn, ’98.

  1. danps

    Au contraire, madame; I won't vouch for the man's entire oeuvre, but Paperboy is worth at least a little love. Maybe not full out blog fellatio, but at least a blog reach-around.

    BTW, I have just used the three words of French I know in a single sentence.

    Reply
  2. KoolerGenius

    I feel you, what the fuck is this The Hills soundtrack hip pop that people be lappin up? These Haylie Duff beats got to go! Organized Noize woulda laced this kid…

    Reply

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