The best songs about flowers* *now with more bathing suit!


My life my life my life my life! In the sun-shiiiine!
Santa laced me with affordable designer swimwear from the chain store, it’s got a dainty floral print, and now life is wonderful. Just bees & things & flowers!

The title of the photo collection above is “me in a bathing suit as it relates to consumable pop music.” What can we glean from this?

1. That when you put something on the Internet, it’s there forever so you better be damn sure your future friends and boyfriends and progeny will be cool with it. Good thing I’m not running for President (sorry, gang!).

2. There are many great songs about flowers, as evidenced by the classics(?) culled from my very own record collection below*. There’s no Kanye or Outkast “Roses,” and no “Sugar Mag” or “Scarlet Begonias.” That’s amateur hour, you guys.

3. My English degree courses emphasized the deconstruction of literature and culture through a postmodern feminist lens. That’s great and all, but sometimes a girl is conflicted and likes to document her earthly body via digital media. Fun with hegemonic masculinity!

* The best of the best:

Dudley Perkins, “Flowers.” I’m hungry, filled with happiness all over, and my mouth is dry.


Ghostface, “Wildflower.” Ghosty fucked my friend then had the nerve to write a whole song about it!

Sonic Youth, “Wildflower Soul.” Sing yr child lights. Lights are gold. Sing yr child life. Wildflower soul. Kim & Thurston have a daughter and I’m not her even though I should be. Sperm Lotto, you suck.

The Carter Family, “Wildwood Flower.” Reminds me of my tumultuous, love-filled marriage to Johnny Cash.

The Pharcyde, “Soul Flower.” Had to mention it, otherwise I would’ve gotten my Cali ID revoked.

Janelle Monae, “Come Alive (The War of the Roses).” In my spare time I get funny haircuts, I’m friends with Big Boi, I sing like a bird, everyone in LA brags about knowing me because I’m such a badass, I surprise everybody by signing with Bad Boy, and I don’t pull weak-ass moves like putting pictures of myself in a bikini on the Internet. Get ’em, Miss Monae.


Patrice Rushen, “Forget Me Nots.” Handclaps. Bass. Handclaps.

Little Brother, “Passion Flower.” Tired of these hoes talkin shit. Also: 9th Wonder.

Barrington Levy, “Black Roses.” Wail.

De La Soul, “D.A.I.S.Y. Age.” (no link because there are NO YOUTUBE UPLOADS??). Rebel. Renegade. Renegade reaching only top flight, can’t find your new height. Think you need a raise. PS, De La Soul means “From The Soul.”

Dr. Octagon – “Blue Flowers.” Nobody else repped Bellevue so hard.

The Avett Brothers, “Famous Flower of Manhattan.” Posted because it’s a good song and also because I feel that somehow it will lead me directly to Rick Rubin.


Johnny Hodges and his Orchestra – “Passion Flower.” ‘Cause I’m classy.

Doom, “Passion Flower.” It’s Doom. Have you and I just met? If you need to ask me about this, leave this place and don’t you ever show your face ’round here again.


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