I’ma die harder like my kid Bruce Willis

You wanna know why? Because I’m –
October 31, that is my date of birth/I got to the party, you know what I did? The Smurf.

King Ad Whammy, it’s the anniversary of your birth and despite the years we’ve known each other, words have yet to express my hot throbbing love for you and the way you make my heart soar up up and AWAYYY, and not only because of the way you have rendered your hegemony within the world of Nasal Caucasoid Rap or because you’re in the pocket just like Grady Tate, you’re fuel injected/rhyme connected/running things, and you got more bounce to the fucking bumpin. What’s happened is that everyone in rap-ery these days is either a lunatic, in jail, Canadian and dumb, getting punched in the face by a ’90s god, or making Jimmy Fallon way doper than he deserves. There’s only a handful of good dudes – Doom, Masta Ace, Black Milk, Guilty, Mos, and mayyybe like 3 others and they’re all on Duck Down. So I think I love/appreciate you now more than ever.

And here’s the update on my list of OG Hot Older Judaic Man Crushes: you’re still way high up there, right between your dad and Rahm Emanuel; congrats.

PS, Licensed to Ill is 23 years old tomorrow! Nov. ’86! And no, dudes at the bar aged 24-40, you and your boys still can’t make something like it just by “fuckin around in the studio with 3 Zeppelin records and some 808.”

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