Do the humans behind this know how dumb “Invited Guests” sounds? Who will stand behind me in the crowd to catch me if all the Invited Guests actually show (as this will cause me to faint)? If I actually rub on my breastesses when Monch instructs me to during the inevitable performance of “Simon Says,” how can I make sure my mom doesn’t find out? Will my heels stay pretty and scuff-free despite being in a room full of dudes in boots? How come Po isn’t an Invited Guest? Is there a feud between these 2 gentlemen that you guys have been keeping from me because you knew I’d get upset if I heard about it? And why is the show in Brooklyn of all places?
2. The resurgence of physiognomy is awfully reminiscent of eugenics and phrenology (not the good kind) and this does not have nearly enough people expressing outrage (Slate). Apparently, you know, you can just tell by the looks of a fellow whether he is going to stick you for your Jordans.
(Oh sorry. It’s not ’89. Your Comme des Garcons x Alife x Schnabel x Barbara Kruger dunks.)
Black Thought’s code name is The Only One and Cody wants to fertilize another behind his lover’s back. This song is full of classified information.
3. I’m usually not one to shill for Random House, but I’ll do anything for boyfriend #13,521, Tracy Morgan. Until he meets an untimely demise (it’s coming, people), which will mean that my dream of Redman hosting the next VH1 honors show is realized, he’s here to spread good cheer with his e-cards.
I’d like more of this instead, please.