Treat Her Like a Prostitute, or Treat Her Like a Lady?

Song lyrics will teach you about life, if you pay attention. I pay attention. So, you know, I don’t fear the reaper. I know that after laughter comes tears. You lack the minerals and vitamins, things fall apart, everything is everything. A lot of people won’t get no supper tonight. Premier’s got more beats than barns got hay, and that you do it to yourself, you do (and that’s what really hurts). Plus we all know what size rims David Banner has.

I feel confused, however, and I wonder how do you know how to act when you get conflicting instructions? Like when MC Ricky D and the Cornelius Brothers are battling it out in the field known as my record collection?

relationship tips pulled from 2 records in my collection, and the best MC Ricky D vs. Cornelius Brothers battle post you’ll see ALL DAY, promise.

Treat her like a prostitute, or treat her like a lady? OH DEAR, I feel confused, so very confused. Luckily I’m not a dude, so it’s not something I need to worry about. Good luck with this one, tough guy. Sorry for fucking with your whole program.

I know you’re shocked, but it turns out I side with the lanky British MC from the House of Def Jam.

Rappers have lady issues 90% of the time, and when you couple that with blindness in an eye and all kinds of immigration red tape, you’re bound to be a little cranky. But Ricky Walters has feelings, y’all.

There’s girlies out here that seem appealing
But they all come in your life and cold hurt your feelings
I’m telling you
As Rick is my name
I wouldn’t trust no girl unless she feels the same
Treat ’em like a prostitute
Don’t treat no girlie well until you’re sure of the scoop
‘Cause all they do is they hurt and trample

It’s your wife
You buy the tramp jewels and clothes
You get sentimental and bring home a rose
Give her everything ’cause you swear she’s worth it
All your friends tell you, “The bitch don’t deserve it”

I am almost legally obligated to take the “lady stance” here. I’m pretty sure I’ve never been called a bitch because a) I’m a big ol’ nerd and it’s hard to be a bitch and a nerd simultaneously, and b) I’m nice.

Love is blind, so there goes your wealth
Until one day, you see things for yourself
Came home from work early, Mr. Loverman
You had a card and some candy in your right hand
There’s the mailman, he was short yet stout
He went inside your house and didn’t come back out
Bust it
Just a friendly stop, come on, is it?
The mailman comes and he pays your wife a visit?
The thought alone makes your temperature boil
You say to yourself, she might still be loyal
You open up your door and stand in a trance
You see the mailman’s bag and the mailman’s pants
Came home to party
At work had a hard day
Look around your house and you say, “Where the hell are they?”
Run upstairs up to your bedroom
You look inside your room, you see something brewin’
Cover your mouth because you almost choke
You see the mailman’s dick way up your wife’s throat

Girls like pet names. Twinkles & Rover.

Now your girl, she don’t like to have sex a lot
And today she’s ready and she’s hot, hot, hot
As you open up the door she says, “Get on the floor”
She wants to try things she’s never tried before
She takes off your drawers and works you over
She calls you Twinkles
And you call her Rover
Next thing you know, the ho starts to ill
She says, “I love you, Harold” and your name is Will
That’s not the half ’til you start to ride her
Take off your rubber and there’s one more inside her
It’s not yours-who can it be?
I think it was a slick rapper, his name is M.C. Ricky

All my friends have to ask me
Something they didn’t understand
How I get all the women
In the palm of my hand
I told them

Treat her like a lady
Do the best you can do
You gotta treat her like a lady
And she’ll give in to you
Lord, you can see you know what I mean

This dude is a game player and only wants me to be treated like a lady so that I’ll, ahem, give in to him. Keep it movin, buddy.

Oh, you got to love her
And tease her
But most of all you got to please her
You got to hold her
And want her
And make her feel you’ll always need her
You know a woman
Is sentimental
And so easy to upset
So make her feel
That she’s for real, yeah
And she’ll give you happiness
Whoa-oh strange as it seems
You know you can’t treat a woman mean

(this seems strange?)

So my friend, there you have it I said it’s the easy, simple way If you fail to do this Don’t blame her if she looks my way ‘Cause I’m gonna Treat her like a lady So affectionately I’m gonna treat her like a lady And she’ll give in to me Lord, you can see…you know what I mean

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