Thing I Am Right About #2,491: Rappers with regular dude names are always terrible.

“Flowin like Christ when I speaks the gospel.

In this case, the gospel is that dudes whose names you can find in the phone book are always wack beyond belief. I am not incorrect about this.

The rule for this game was that the MC’s name had to be a first and last–no Craig G or Mike D or Willie D, in other words.

Then I remembered Paul Barman, who got so many nerd points from me during so many moments on Paullelujah! (“I can rock the mic to ‘Silence’ by John Cage”). And then I remembered Keith Murray. And Erick Sermon. And Charlie Brown. And then I decided to pretend I hadn’t remembered them because it ruins that thing called consistency we all strive for in a blog post.

Moving on.

Enjoy my creative use of synonyms for “wack” below!

Mike. Atrocious.
I still luv Swishahouse, though I will still deny this in public if asked.

Charles. Dreadful.
(MC Lyte’s cousin? How come nobody told me this earlier? What if this had come up on Hip Hop Jeopardy? I would’ve gotten it wrong and that would’ve been on YOU, smart guy)

Jim. Horrendous.

Joe. Appalling.

Lloyd. Tragic.

I am now too traumatized to wrap this up in a coherent way. Bye bye.

3 thoughts on “Thing I Am Right About #2,491: Rappers with regular dude names are always terrible.

  1. What's Up JR?

    I've given this a lot of thought, and i agree. However, im quite unsure about some rappers. Kweli isnt really Kweli, he's a Green, but it's still a full name. Ali Vegas, is that his name? Don't know what you think about Mr West? Paul Wall? I think it's okey to hate Mike Jones, but to “luv Swishahouse”, i know i do. Juelz Santana, i don't know if it is his real name, but it doesn't really matter, he's still awful.


  2. Logan

    AW DAMN, I forgot Micah! An excellent MC for certain, and the second-biggest Smiths nerd and '90s hip-hop lyrics expert next to me!


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