“Hallelujah, kids hear this: The Ruler’s back and he’s here to assist.”

The slacks, the golds, the rings, I hope I’m not confusin y’all
But everyone in the house looks smashin’
fresh clothes on their butts
and nothing out of fashion...

OK, t-shirt gods, you win. I am forever indebted to you. This is like 58 of my favorite things in one.

Dear Adult Male Human,
if you wear this to the Cha Cha and I spot you, IsweartoGOD I will take the Tecate out of your hand and attempt to make sweet love to you on the spot.
That’s word to my cousin up in Oakland with the scraper.
Give in to lust/give up to lust,
oh heaven knows we’ll soon be dust!

Love,
Logan

Or, if I’m super shy I’ll just look from across the room and not say anything. Then I’ll go home and post a “Missed Connections” ad on Craigslist. You’ll read it 2 days later and be like, “No girl likes the Raiders and Slick Rick…and if she does, she’s probably too skinny and smart-assed for me to be interested in, anyway. This is a fake post so fuck off, Craigslist.” We’ll therefore have missed our chance to be together, joined in our mutual love of MC Ricky D and the NFL’s greatest franchise.
Sigh. 2 ships passing in the night, that’s what we are.

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