MC Hammer, Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em (Capitol, 1990)

You talk about the Hammer you talkin bout a show.

I’m dope on the floor and I’m magic on the mic. The single biggest tragedy of the ’90s was “Cab Fare” being left off ’93 ‘Til Infinity, the end.

Also receiving votes: Chris Webber’s non-timeout, Columbine, OutKast getting BOOED (?????!!??) at the ’95 Source awards, and this album title’s complete disregard of the rules of comma usage. Shoulda been Please, Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em.

I’m confident I’ll get grilled BBQ’d and roasted for this cover cosplay choice, but c’mon. Not everything needs to be DOOM or Kendrick or Jay Electronica or GZA, guys. Let’s dance!

Ghostface Killah, Supreme Clientele (Epic, 2000)

“Both hands clusty” doesn’t apply to me. “Chop the O, sprinkle a little snow inside a Optimo” really has nothing to do with my life. “Catch me at the flicks, Apollo rap Frederick Douglass,” no. Of all the statements on this album, honestly it’s gotta be “Catch me in the corner not speaking” that really and truly speaks to me.